to keep my loved one...

...warm. So below:

is a jacket from this past Winter. Which is when I started to write this post. For reals. It was during that weird time where Spring was supposed to be happening but wasn't. There was all this warm weather. Then cold weather. So, it seemed ridiculous that I was searching for warm jackets for Ely James but the darn weather was so confusing that he tore his jacket up. Literally. He tore his jacket into pieces thinking that he didn't need it anymore. I wish I had some pictures of what it used to look like. It was worn out and covered in safety pins to fix holes. He even had the elbow patched with a bandana. Ely James loves his bandanas.

In our hood, bandanas (or handkerchiefs) can be a dangerous accessory. When Ely James first moved in with me, he got schooled by a local teenager that told him to be careful about the bandanas he wears. You know, cause of that Snoop Dog song about crips (or do I show respect? Crips, I meant) and the left side and stuff.

Ely James wears his bandanas on his right side. Ok? After getting this lesson from the kid on the block, he took to wearing an American flag bandana. As a joke. Sort of. Although, this American "pride" could get him in bigger trouble, perhaps.

I couldn't help but look into this bandana business further, of course. As most things that have become fashionable, there was once a true purpose to the item. Obvi, a bandana was for protection from the elements-during the Cowboy and Indian days. Here is the most thorough thing you will ever read about what cowboys may or may not have worn.

Apparently, during the Gold Rush there were just a bunch of men hanging around out there. Men still like to cut it loose and dance, even if there are no ladies around! I found on wikipedia that the man with the red bandana was the female role at the sqaure dances. This turned into a big gay thing, I guess.

Certain colors now mean certain things-or that you, the wearer like certain things done. So, to be honest, those Bloods and Crips are dirty kinky bastards and they're into fisting and anal sex. Wow.

This all became gang related due to the system. The prison system-back in the 70's. I read that prisoners in California were given bandanas as part of their uniform. They had no idea what they started-the system. A new prisoner was given a choice. A blue hankie or a red hankie. I can't believe there was even an option. For anything. "Do you want a red hankie or a blue hankie?" asked of the man in jail for murdering his mother. "Your friend over there picked the red one and that guy, that you hate cause he banged your sister, picked the blue. What's it gonna be?" What dolts.

Back to Ely James and his ripped up leather jacket. He took a piece of it and wears it like this:

Now, can he wipe his nose with it? Not so much but, it looks hot and no little punk shithead can give him any trouble for it!

congratulations

Everytime I hear someone say, "congratulations," I think of the Traveling Wilburys song.

It's a sarcastic use of the word in this song, obvi.

Congratulations are in order because today is ely james' last day of community service!! Word to the people who have a natural ability for doing stupid things and getting caught: do not walk through the Coney Island station, on your way to see Cheap Trick with a beer wrapped in a handkerchief, when there is a warrant out for your arrest because you never finished community service after being caught writing "turd" on the wall of an MTA subway station wall.

Yeah.

So today, after he is done mowing the lawn of Prospect Park, we will have a picnic. It will look something like this:

The best thing to have for a picnic is:

"You’ll always have a friend with the Burton Lil Buddy. Just load ‘er up, crank up the stereo with removable speakers, and hit the street with a grip of your favorite ice cold beverages. The standard size 3.5mm headphone jack means it plays everything from your uncle’s old 8-track to your fancy new iPod^®. Whether lurking at the beach, behind the corner store, or the resort parking lot, your Lil Buddy will always be full of good times and bright ideas. With room for a 12-pack plus ice, and accessory pockets for all necessary necessities, disturbing the peace has never been cooler." -Burton.com

It's a cooler. That plays music. Which you will need to house the cold sparkling red that is Labrusca. Plus the crispy fall apples. The creamy brie. The crunchy bread. Yum.

Next time we have a celebration it better be for something less criminally inclined. Hey, at least it's never dull with ely james around!