Saturday, April 27, 2013

boost that shit

So, I have been in retail a long time. Almost 15 years. Yeah, I said it. 15 years. I started my 'career' at Gap. Notice how I did not type 'The Gap.' That is only because I am anal retentive and at some point while working there (for 7 of those 15 years. What an idiot I am, right?), the company made sure that they sent out a memo saying that there was no 'the' in front of Gap. So now as I tell this story, I will pain myself to not write 'the' in front of Gap.

Anyway, after just moving to the big bad city, I had my first experience with a booster bag. What is a booster bag, you ask? It is a bag lined in aluminum foil. You can fill it to your heart's content and alarms will not go off! Watch this video and you will understand:

Kinda love the tag line: 'now your finished go steal as much as you can.' Shoplifters cannot spell apparently, but they make more money than I do.

So, there were these ladies. Shoplifting ladies. Being shady like. The security team confronted them and they fled. Literally fled the store. They left behind their booster bag. I had never seen one before. I actually did not know they existed. I was used to my high school friends just wearing baggy clothes to Anthropology and putting layers on underneath! Oh the simple days of my youth.

Inside this booster bag was this:

An Issey Miyake top. With a receipt! I assumed they had exchanged something 'stolen' to get it but I could just be stereotyping shoplifters. Maybe they really had bought the original item and exchanged it for a $500 Issey Miyake top. Or maybe they were really rich ladies that shoplifted at Gap for fun. Like Winona Ryder.

So, after holding onto it for a very long time, I am selling it on my etsy store. ***UPDATE*** It sold! ***UPDATE OVER*** Yes, I just admitted that I did not actually ever pay for this top myself. What does that make me?

Monday, April 1, 2013

orange peanut, for me?

While I was updating my etsy page today, this popped up when I first got to the sight:

Oh yeah. It's Easter. Bunnies, Jesus and zombies.

The maker of this totally adorable coat, makes this one too:

Ahh!!! There is a tail. I love it. I miss the ease of being a kid. When you can walk around with a tail on your coat and it's cute.

This... not cute.

Although, I'm sure Jesus would have thought so. He had an eye for the ladies, I think. I think he was just a man. Maybe even a shiesty man. Like this perhaps:

Should I go so far as to say a con man? I might go to hell for that, right? Whatever. I think he had good intentions. But come on. He totally took that same shit that Juliet took. The stuff that makes you seem dead. Like he was avoiding some serious loan sharks, you know what I'm saying? Then he 'wakes' up. A miracle!! Pretty clever, that Jesus.

And if he really did die and came back then he was just a freakin' zombie.

Totally unrelated, but reminds me of my nephews, who I'm sure totally enjoyed their Zombie Jesus Day: