friends in high places

I woke up today and decided I had to do it. I had to take advantage of the people I know.

So, I made this:

I am not a designer so I do not have fancy programs for creating banners and things. I have an old dell, internet access and google; which directed me to a program called gimp. It was free. I ignored my conspiracy driven thoughts of what evil corrupted files I was putting into my computer and downloaded it. I have tape over my webcam so the 'people' of gimp can only spy via audio. No visual for you, gimp!

I am no genius but I figured out how to use it pretty quickly.

Then I sent an email to dear dear ohmyrockness and this happened:

It was that easy and that simple.

Why am I such a lazy ass? I'm sure I will get an email from gimp or someone a party to gimp with an answer. You're so creepy gimp. So creepy.

am i crazy....

or would this look really amazing painted some ridiculous color?

$50 on craigslist. Too bad it's in some weird part of PA that is 2 hours away by car.

But seriously. What color?

  

I've always dreamed of having a vanity. Odd, I know, since I barely look in a mirror. Maybe because I was raised by a woman who taught me to only wear roses on my cheeks and a little mascara, I am fascinated by the process of grooming. Or maybe it's because when a woman chooses to groom, there are so many little bits and bottles to the process that she would really fucking love a beautiful piece of furniture that she can sit at and have it all at her fingertips. She being me. Of course.

My Aunt Rachie has one kinda like this in her basement:

How about a crazy color painted vanity? Ok.

Or more modern.

Le sigh.

boost that shit

So, I have been in retail a long time. Almost 15 years. Yeah, I said it. 15 years. I started my 'career' at Gap. Notice how I did not type 'The Gap.' That is only because I am anal retentive and at some point while working there (for 7 of those 15 years. What an idiot I am, right?), the company made sure that they sent out a memo saying that there was no 'the' in front of Gap. So now as I tell this story, I will pain myself to not write 'the' in front of Gap.

Anyway, after just moving to the big bad city, I had my first experience with a booster bag. What is a booster bag, you ask? It is a bag lined in aluminum foil. You can fill it to your heart's content and alarms will not go off! Watch this video and you will understand:

Kinda love the tag line: 'now your finished go steal as much as you can.' Shoplifters cannot spell apparently, but they make more money than I do.

So, there were these ladies. Shoplifting ladies. Being shady like. The security team confronted them and they fled. Literally fled the store. They left behind their booster bag. I had never seen one before. I actually did not know they existed. I was used to my high school friends just wearing baggy clothes to Anthropology and putting layers on underneath! Oh the simple days of my youth.

Inside this booster bag was this:

An Issey Miyake top. With a receipt! I assumed they had exchanged something 'stolen' to get it but I could just be stereotyping shoplifters. Maybe they really had bought the original item and exchanged it for a $500 Issey Miyake top. Or maybe they were really rich ladies that shoplifted at Gap for fun. Like Winona Ryder.

So, after holding onto it for a very long time, I am selling it on my etsy store. ***UPDATE*** It sold! ***UPDATE OVER*** Yes, I just admitted that I did not actually ever pay for this top myself. What does that make me?

orange peanut, for me?

While I was updating my etsy page today, this popped up when I first got to the sight:

Oh yeah. It's Easter. Bunnies, Jesus and zombies.

The maker of this totally adorable coat, makes this one too:

Ahh!!! There is a tail. I love it. I miss the ease of being a kid. When you can walk around with a tail on your coat and it's cute.

This...

...is not cute.

Although, I'm sure Jesus would have thought so. He had an eye for the ladies, I think. I think he was just a man. Maybe even a shiesty man. Like this perhaps:

Should I go so far as to say a con man? I might go to hell for that, right? Whatever. I think he had good intentions. But come on. He totally took that same shit that Juliet took. The stuff that makes you seem dead. Like he was avoiding some serious loan sharks, you know what I'm saying? Then he 'wakes' up. A miracle!! Pretty clever, that Jesus.

And if he really did die and came back then he was just a freakin' zombie.

So yeah, HAPPY ZOMBIE JESUS DAY!

Totally unrelated, but reminds me of my nephews, who I'm sure totally enjoyed their Zombie Jesus Day:

snooding

Last week, while walking the sweet baby, I felt it. The promise of fall. Which really pisses me off. Cause I know there are going to be some unbearable days before it's really here. There is always a week of teasers. Where you are unprepared. So, you dig out sweaters. And scarves. And those weird snoods. Excited for the possibilities. Then...it gets fucking hot and humid again.

I'm not a fan of summer. I was happy to be unemployed during it so that I didn't have to think about what to wear. Fall, I get and it gets me. So, I am dreaming of the things that I would buy-if I made a real salary. Today it is about the loop scarves. Or 'snoods.' Or whatever.

Who came up with this term, snood? I always thought it had something to do with a hood and a scarf but where does the fucking 'n' come from? Shouldn't it be a scood? For reals. How did this:

Turn to this:

Maybe it's a British thing. Asos is one of my favorite shopping sites. Although, I do not actually shop from it. I don't actually shop from anywhere. A girl can dream. Damn it.

I'm not a huge fan of supporting such big corporations. I really do get torn about it though, in the global sense of it all. I prefer to support local but we all live on planet earth. If boycotts are made of these places like Asos, H & M, Topshop and the like...what happens to the cultures that they support through the production of their goods? Then again, there are enough of us on the planet that do support these cheapie places so, I don't really need to be another one. Right?

It is so much more interesting to shop from an actual person. From the producer. The maker. Here are some pretty cool makers:

The one on the bottom is mine. What? I'm cool. I swear.