news flash

This exists. Just thought you should know.

A singing toothbrush. Why oh why do other's not jump on this amazing branding opportunity?

Oh. They have?

Laughing my fucking ass off, indeed.

little ones

I do not want kids. Ever. Just putting that out there. I do happen to have 2 nephews. One I am comfortable with:

The other one, is newer, and I don't really know him at all. He doesn't know me either. The only picture I have of him is from 2 years ago:

I have no excuse. They practically live down the street. I keep telling myself that I will serve a purpose to them one day. It is just not now. I don't care about their rambles of bullshit. Yet. Heartless, I am.

'Tis the season, though. I have been looking for gifts for them. Gifts that they will receive from some lady that they call Aunt but don't know who, or what, she is really. It's hard.

Plus, I don't have any $$. Rent is being paid later and later-kind of poor. Makes things like this:

not possible:( Or this even:

Seriously. $87 for a children's book? Ok. It is illustrated by the great Paul Rand (who BTW was a mentor to my high school sweetheart's mother).

Who's Paul Rand? Um...

Not a bad person to teach you graphic design, right?

During this whole shopping for nephew thing, I really just found myself asking, 'What do kids really need anyway?' They have grandparents buying them noisy toys and movies. I guess I could make them my own book that has Auntie coupons. Like lunch with Auntie Adarae. Call xxx-xxxx to redeem. I have a feeling my phone would never ring. Hmm.

My mother beat me to this one:

Amazing.

I sort of compromised and got this for the younger one:

Still Paul Rand (pushing for an artistically creative kid here) and it visually goes with what I got his parents:

Then I thought I'd be obnoxious and get something for the older one that I can predict the look on his face when he opens it. It will say, "Really Auntie? What the heck am I gonna do with this?" 

He will be a classy man someday, if he knows how to write in cursive. I mean, I know that there will come a time where pens and things will be discontinued. I'm sure my mother will save some for him. He'll be the cool dude that has all these old things that none of the other kids have!! Mission accomplished!

Happy Holidaze!

carjacking

I don't have a car but, if I did, I'm sure I would find this ridiculous thing useful:

Weird. Where do I find this shit? I don't even know. I have saved blog posts from ages ago and there is no system of keeping track of what I was even searching for at the time of finding anything.

Oh, and just to know, if I had a car now-it would be this:

Just sayin'. Maybe it would fit Ely James' drum kit. Maybe not.

Not far off from the car I dreamed of in high school, actually:

Amazing how one's taste does not change. I guess that makes me boring? Predictable? Oh well.

Reading the wiki page about the Corrado, it says that it was conceived to be the successor of the Porsche 944.

It's all starting to make sense. I am seeing the pattern. Here is the car I ended up with in high school:

My mother gave it away right after I finished college. I can't blame her. I had moved to Queens-where I really did not need it and it just sat in her parking lot.

I do miss her though. The car. Not my mom. Well, I miss my mom but only because I'm lazy and never leave the city to see her. Her name was Sydney. Again, the car. Not my mom. Named after the red headed crazy bitch from Melrose Place. Seemed appropriate.

Wonder where she is now. The car. Not Sydney from Melrose Place.

overwhelming enough on land

I remember going to see a Franz Ferdinand show in Williamsburg many many years ago. I stood in line to enter a huge space that was called Volume on North 13th Street. I went with my sister. The minute we walked in she grabbed my arm and told me we were staying right there-by the door. "There are only 2 exits!" she informed me.

I have never been comfortable at a show since. The thoughts of fires, stampedes and such consume me every time. I had never even thought about it until that fateful show with my sister. Funny thing is, that venue closed-for that very reason. Exits. Not enough of them. Damn, my sister's smart.

So this:

...is making my stomach churn. The wonders of Coachella will now be taken to the sea. You and +2500 other music revelers can be stuck on a boat in the middle of the ocean together. Well, it's not really the middle of the ocean. It is only going a day or two out from Florida.

I have never, in my entire life, ever wanted to take a cruise. For fun. So dumb. Boats are for transporting. Like trains, plains and automobiles. I would take a boat from here to Spain or something, if it were the cheaper option and I had all the time in the world.

I don't love boats. Or water. Or bridges, for that matter. Boats do this:

And this:

Plus, who could forget this:

Did you know that throwing a whole bunch of dirty people on a boat can spread sickness? No? Well, it can. The most hilarious news article title. "Sickness puts the ooze in cruise." Think about it. A whole boat full of people drinking. A lot. How much shit can a boat contain? Seriously.

Ew.

Let's just break down the potential cost of possible sickness and sinking. Mm'ok?

Total cost for 3 day cruise to Bahamas

• Airfare from NYC to Ft. Lauderdale Jet Blue round trip (as of 7/21/12) $300 
• Room to share with 3 other idiots (bunk beds??) $500
• Service fee (this includes gratuity tips) $200
• Drinks for me (if say, 12 hours a day of drinking, I drink a beer an hour and the beers are $7) $250
• Drinks for Ely James (he says he would drink 3 beers an hour!) $756

$1250 for me. $1756 for Ely James. $3000 for us both to go together and be stuck on a boat. With drum circles and shit. Funding a right wing organization.

Our 2010 trip to Coachella

• Round trip airfare for 2  from NYC to Palm Springs with convertible car included: $800
• Coachella VIP passes (thank you ohmyrockness) FREE!!
• Camping for 2 inside the Coachella campgrounds: $110
• Two nights at the ACE hotel, newly opened: $178
• Drinks (only had about 10 each of their $7 heinekens in the course of 3 days but drank plenty of margaritas at Las Casuelas) ???
• Having the freedom (sort of) to come and go as we pleased: fucking priceless

Maybe $1200 total for the both of us. Plus it looked like this:

Through researching for this post-I found that there are tons of these cruises.

The 2012 Mayhem Cruise

Monster of Rock Cruise

ShipRocked 2012

Rock Legends Cruise

Finally, the only cruise that I actually knew existed before delving into all this.

NKOTB Cruise

Just imagine it. A whole boat full of NKOTB fans. Looks something crazy eyed like this:

Ahhhhhhhh!!!!

I wonder who will guess the correct numbers, onboard the SS Coachella, for the following events:

• falling off the boat
• getting kicked off the boat (by authorities)
• getting kicked off the boat (by an angry person)
• getting gastronomial whatever
• overdosing
• sneaking in an under aged child
• sneaking in a pet (snakes on a boat?!!)
• bottle cuts (or is it a glass free zone?)
• sexual conquests
• cigarette butts consumed
• etc. etc. etc.

boo hoo

(this story is not about the van above but it is about a van)

In reading my local neighborhood blog, DitmasParkCorner, I read about this band that got their van stolen with all their gear in it.

Who leaves a van with over $15000 worth of stuff in it on the street? How is that safe even in your driveway in Safetown, USA? This is fucking New York City. My true, honest and first reaction. Idiots.

Being the dork I am, I had to see who this dumb band was. The DPC led me to their website. Which led me to their facebook. Which led me to their twits. Of course, many updates about their sad loss. All of their "friends" telling them how much that sucks. No one called them out on being complete numb nuts.

On their twitter page there was a link for their "video premiere."

Um ok. I like it.

This was a publicity stunt. Just like this Kim and Kanye shit. I'm convinced. I bet the traffic to all their sites have tripled. Now, I have perpetuated the bullshit that it could be. Or not. Maybe their van really was stolen. After all this hoopla they announced that they will be playing the GoogaMooga...you decide.