Tuesday, April 26, 2011

i'm not alone!

The first time I understood my 'eating disorder' was when I read an article in The New Yorker, five years ago. (page 7 is where it all started to make sense) It basically told me that I still had the palette of a five year old.

Above is from a fun blog. Kids say the darndest things kinda thing. Side note: I used to eat chalk.

It also confirmed a belief that my mother had. That the only things my diet consisted of were the only things she could keep down when she was pregnant with me.

I'm still trying to figure out why everything had to be white...it is possible it is some kind of obsessive compulsive thing that started at the age of one. Someone once pointed out it may have been me trying to take some kind of control after we moved across the country and back in a year's time.

Look here! Now there is confirmation that this eating disorder does not need to be in quotes anymore. It is real. I am an adult selective eater with supertasters!

Perfectly put, an adult selective eater's:

Food preferences tend to be bland, white or pale colored - plain pasta or cheese pizza are said to be common foods along with French fries and chicken fingers. Some picky eaters stick to foods with a common texture or taste.

The texture part it so true! I love french fries and potato chips but no way to mash potatoes or baked potato.

I can even relate to the social isolation. I once went on an interview where we met at a small place that I thought was just a bar. No! There was food there. She wanted to have some and wanted to know what I wanted. No! I remember looking at the very small menu and wondering, 'Do I tell her? Do I pretend I'm not hungry? Do I just order the cheese plate?'

I decided to fess up and of course it turned into a huge conversation where the whole restaurant staff was involved. A bunch of the usual reactions and questions. Really? That's it? How are you still skinny? That's all carbs. That was okay with your parents? I have answered these same questions so many times in my life, I can understand how someone with the same problem (and I now know they are out there!) would want to hide in a dark room.

Also, my first year of college, I contested to the dean that I shouldn't have to pay $8000 a year on board. I had an eating disorder. I wouldn't eat it and therefore it was unfair and a huge waste of money. He thought it was a social anxiety problem. If I spent $8000 I would feel obligated to go to the cafeteria and get food. That the peer pressure of wanting to be liked would make me eat. Obviously he didn't know that I never cared about people liking me. Until ely james came along.

He has introduced greens in to my life! It is a slow and steady battle that he is constantly trying to add new foods to my diet. I have discovered a love for green beans and garlic. Hot sauce and margaritas. Yes, I am considering a margarita as a food.

In the end, all I want is this:

All the time. Never tire of it. Yum. I have been eating mac and cheese, and pretty much only mac and cheese for almost 30 years. Above is the best on the planet. A restaurant, called Alias in the Lower East Side of Manhattan, has this as a $7 side. Amazing.

1 comment:

it's me testing said...